11 Reasons My Mother Is Better Than Yours

Mothers Day is today, or just May 13th depending on when you're reading this. According to History.com, this special day "honor[s] motherhood that is observed in different forms throughout the world." Mothers Day is a day where all mothers are appreciated for being amazing. It's not a competition, but if it were, my Mom would win, because she's better than yours.

1. She drinks hella tea.

How much tea does your stupid mom drink? Probably not as much as mine. My mom drinks so much tea; she's almost never sick, and she spends a lot of time around youth. Wow. That's a lot of tea.

2. She plays, like, so many instruments.

My mom plays a lot of instruments. Probably more than your dumb average Mom. She sings, and she also plays, French horn, trumpet, piano, soprano recorder, sopranino recorder, hand bells, bass guitar, ukulele, something called a cajon, keyboard, regular piano, organ if you get rid of the feet, and probably a timpani if you asked her kindly. Wow. That's a lot.

3. Once she played in a Soprano Recorder duet with me and pissed of everyone in my house.

I'm not sorry about this, Zoë.

4. Knitting 4 Dayz.

She once spent a year knitting a fancy cable scarf. This one. She finished but then it wasn't long enough, so she ripped out the binding seem and knit another round of the pattern. Hardcore. I bet your mom never did that.

5. Cribbage master.

Don't come at her when it comes to cribbage. Or bananagrams for that matter. We had to give her a handicap for that game. My mom would beat your mom in a game of cribbage.

6. Movie Hipster.

She goes to hella filmfests. Once she saw 6 movies in a day. Take that, other Moms.

7. She has allegedly predicted every single winner of every single season of "American Idol."

I don't watch this show, but that seems cool. And better than your any skill your mom may allegedly have.

8. Softball skillz on fleek.

Specifically pitching. She's the queen pitcher. Even played when I was in utero.

9. Bowling skillz on fleek.

She also bowled while pregnant. These skills were not passed down to me. Once she bowled a 212. Wow.

10. She excels at hide and seek.

If your mom is trained in combat or something, they won't have anything on my mom. She can hide like no other.

11. Cheesecake.

That is all.

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(This article originally appeared on Odyssey on May 9, 2016 back when I wrote for that tragedy. The date in the first paragraph was changed from the original to properly match this year's date).