We all know there are two types of people in this world, those who are up every morning at seven, bright eyed and ready to start the day, and those who are mostly solitary and nocturnal birds of prey, typified by an upright stance, a large, broad head, binocular vision, binaural hearing, sharp talons, and feathers adapted for silent flight. If you belong to the latter community, you'll understand these eleven things. If you don't, you most definitely will not.
1. Having the innate ability to fly almost silently and also more slowly in comparison to other birds of prey.
The turkey vulture ain't got nothing on our skills.
2. Turning your head around up to 270 degrees.
Don't you wish you were part of our exclusive club? Head turns for days.
3. Meeting another night owl who is almost 30 years old and saying, "wow, that's really old" because the average life span of an owl of any species is significantly shorter than that.
4. Having disproportionately large eyes in comparison to your skull.
But they're still on fleek, like, every single day.
5. Being unable to move those eyes.
Ocular motor control is for suckers.
6. Having asymmetrical ears.
One ear up and one ear down lets us pinpoint sounds more directly, and find the haters. Watch out.
8. Swallowing mice whole.
9. Watching your young cough up the meal you prepared for them and being totally okay with it, because that's perfectly normal for owls.
10. Seamlessly blending into your surroundings with your camouflage feathers.
Haters can't hate what they can't see. And then you jump out at 'em.
11. Never needing nail polish 'cuz your talons look fierce every day.
Yas. Slay. Destroy.
(This article originally appeared on Odyssey on Jun 20, 2016 back when I wrote for that tragedy).