5 Amazing Listicles From BiblicalGenderRoles.com

If there's one thing I love, it's seeing old things mixed with new things. There's something exciting about mashing old music with new ones, or seeing an old painting photo-shopped with a current meme. The mixing of older and newer cultures almost always creates something that can bridge the gap between the timelines and make enjoyable content. Almost.

When you think of the Bible, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Your favorite quote, that tattoo your friend has, fundamentalism, compassion, dust? Well, I bet "listicle" wasn't the first thing on your mind. While I was perusing the interwebs the other day, I came across a website that is now one of my favorite websites ever:

Now, before you go ahead and say, "Colin, what are you doing? People can choose to live however they want. Stop insulting people for practicing a certain religion!" please understand that I do not intend to insult the Fundamentalist Christian community (even if reading excerpts from the site out loud made my roommate, Jenna, yell).

Life is difficult, and so is making decisions. Having a canon of literature to turn to for answers when life gets tough can make things simpler. This is the same reason that I live my life obeying every single thing that Oprah has ever said.

If you want to follow an ancient book as a lifestyle guide, I implore you. Just make sure that all parties are consenting.

No, it is not the content of this website that tickles my funny bone, it is how it is presented. There are many articles on this website that are presented in listicle format. The author of this website is taking ancient ritual lifestyle rules (that many if not most other sects have long stopped abiding by), and presenting them in the form most known for articles like: "32 GIFs Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Every Time."

To be fair, times are changing. People are absorbing their information in new ways. With lower attention spans, people are more likely to read a list styled article, than an actual article style article. (I am also seriously concerned that nobody will read this far into my article, based on this property alone). It's only logical for this web writer to use the listicle format in order to get his or her message across to a wider audience. What I find deeply humorous, is that we have a web author focusing on content that is so fundamentally anti-change that it has caused world wide terror and controversy, writing in the language of the new age.

So, if you've gotten this far, I commend you. Here's a link to that GIF listicle. You deserve it. And now, as promised, the list.

1.

You can find this one here after scrolling about half way down the page. And before you think this is some crazy article advocating for rape, it's not. The final step is to excommunicate her from the church. Afterwards, you "divorce her for her sexual immorality." Yikes.

2.

So I'm going to start of by ignoring how heinous and disgusting it is that the author switches style guides for title capitalization from article to article. The sexism is passable because both parties are presumably consenting, and freedom of religion and stuff. The style inconsistency is not passable. For shame Biblical Gender Roles. For shame. If you'd like to learn about disciplining your wife, read here. it is again, about half way down the page.

3.

So this one is neither AP style, nor MLA style. And I'm pretty sure it's not APA style either. I don't know what's going on here. I am hereby acknowledging my disappointment for this website. Read more here.

4.

Let's play parts of speech, shall we? "Ways" is a noun and is capitalized. "Honor" is a verb and is capitalized. "Wife" is a noun and is not capitalized? Regardless, I probably wouldn't bat an eye at this one, but when you scroll down it a bit, you see some gems.

There it is. Also, can we appreciate the phrase, "don't take that for granite." I actually sent an email about that one.

I'm not kidding.

5.

Wait, shouldn't "Let" be capitalized if we're going with the style of the previous listicle? Who knows anymore. This is a hot mess. Hot. Mess. Read this hot mess.

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Long story short, this website is one of the most entertaining things I have ever read. There are too many exciting things to read for me to include in this article. I've made this article too long already. Hell, here's one more gem.

This sucker was literally the first thing you saw when you went on the site when I wrote this. My favorite part is how disappointed they look in the photo.

Check out this website. You will not be disappointed. https://biblicalgenderroles.com/