As Christmas draws closer, my opinions grow stronger.
Intro
It's a cold winter day in 2018. I'm cooped up at work doing office things, when suddenly I'm struck with the inescapable need to listen to the song "Gaudete." You see, two years prior I sang an SATB arrangement of the song with the Winona State University Concert Choir during a desert theater production that was '1400-1700s anachronistic mishmash' themed, and such an experience does not leave the brain without lasting effects.
I pull out my phone, open up Apple Music (#NotSpon) type in "Gaudete" and what meets my eyes is something I'd never thought I'd see. Dozens upon dozens of recordings of Gaudete. While I may have grown up listening to contemporary Christian music, I made it over twenty years of life without learning that "Gaudete" is a staple of Christian, Classic, and Medieval discography. While the song is a certified bop and I can imagine many of these artists sought out to perform the piece on that merit, the sheer volume of recordings suggest to me that it's one of those songs that you toss into the lineup to pad out an album. Like "Let it Snow" in a Christmas album. Except Gaudete is a bop. That day I listened to every single Gaudete that was available to stream, and that day I vowed to write this listicle ranking each and every song. I've failed to make good on that vow two years in a row, but this year I'm doing it. Methodology
To rank a set of items, it is often best practice identify specific criteria with which to make ranking decisions. "Gives good vibes to Colin" may be a great system for me, but it likely would not resonate as much with a common audience.
That said, I initially set out to rank each piece exclusively on vowel shape. Back in my formative choir days, I was taught a specific set of Latin pronunciation rules. One of which was to pronounce every 'e' as [ɛ] (like the 'e' in 'dress'). When I began searching the interwebs for support on this supposition, I was met with an onslaught of disagreement in the choral, linguistic, and religious communities. So we're going back to "Gives good vibes to Colin." I have chosen not to link each recording as I've found this to be something of a fool's errand in the past. YouTube rips down videos with reckless abandon, especially song recordings. Instead I've put together an Apple Music playlist here for all those with a subscription, otherwise; I've included each recording's information at the top of each section which should help in a web search. Side-warning for anyone who tries to seek these pieces out individually: there are a couple of fake Gaudetes out there. Apparently there's both a 'Venite, Gaudete' and a Gregorian chant Gaudete that often present themselves as the Christmas Gaudete, when they in fact, are not. On with the show! "Gaudete" by Mediæval Bæbes. Salva Nos. 17 November 1997.
The Mediæval Bæbes are a British musical ensemble founded in 1996--the year of my birth--by Dorothy Carter and Katharine Blake. At formation, the group included some of Blake's colleagues from the band Miranda Sex Garden. Great name. The Bæbes--much like myself--are still around today, although they released their Gaudete on their debut album in 1997.
This is the only women's choir that appears on this list, so by default, they win the award for: 
This Gaudete falls in the camp of 'faithful to the original with minor adaptation changes'. The performance is clean, ethereal, and generally inoffensive. The arrangement is tighter than the traditional SATB as is common with most women's choir arrangements, but does not lose interest.
I have a single qualm with this Guadete. I don't know if it's the arrangement itself, if the lowest note in the arrangement happened to be to be the resonance frequency of the recording studio, or if somebody mixing the audio just went ham with the bass boost, but every time the altos drop to the lowest note, it punches you in the face. All I can hear every time is "GAU!" Based on the foregoing, I must reluctantly give out a second award: 
"Gaudete" by Nathan Pacheco. O Holy Night. 03 November 2017.
Pacheco's Gaudete belongs to the camp of "me time" songs. It hasn't been changed to the point of incomprehensibility, but it's more Pacheco than it is Gaudete. With that, there's a lot to discuss. Here are my realtime feelings about this song:
0:00 - 0:08 - Quarter-note triplets. Here for that.
0:08 - 0:16 - Flute or recorder? I support it either way. 0:16 - 0:30 - Somehow giving me Western vibes? 0:55 - 0:56 - Mini (clap) Cymbals (clap) 1:19 - 1:25 - I'm in love with the drums here. 1:25 - 1:42 - This interlude is so magical. I feel the snow. I feel the rejoicing. I feel the Pacheco. The flute? 10/10. the mixing? 10/10. The Picardy third? Majestic. 2:12 - 2:15 - Gau-de-teeeeeeeeee. 2:15 - 2:23 - Was not expecting (1) the persistent use of parallel fifths and (2) bagpipes in my Christmas music. Who gave Nathan Pacheco bagpipes? 2:57 - 3:12 - Old (clap) Timey (clap) High (clap) Pass (clap) Filter (clap) I cannot go any further without addressing the elephant in the room: 
This Gaudete and Nathan Pacheco himself give me Josh Groban vibes that I simply cannot ignore. I have not listened to Josh Groban, nor do I care to listen to Josh Groban; however, as a living breathing individual in the year of our lord 2020, the essence of Josh Groban has made its way into my head through cultural osmosis. And Pacheco exudes that same essence.
I mean, look at these albums that I have not color corrected in any way. Tell me that the energy isn't the same. 
Editor's Note / Josh Groban aside:
So, I was thinking to myself, Colin, it's the year of our lord 2020 and you haven't listened to a Josh Groban song before. That's a shame. To purge myself of said shame, I booted up Apple Music and listened to the song listed as his number one: "The First Noël (with Faith Hill)" from his 2007 album Noel (Deluxe Edition). And reader, it's a bop. I listened to that song on repeat for the rest of the work day. But are they all bops? So I continued. Song number two was some nonsense from The Polar Express (skip). Number three, "You Raise Me Up" from the 2003 album Closer. Magical. Mystical. Another bop. Also, more bagpipes? What's with all the bagpipes? I know that, 'Josh Groban makes good music, actually' is the least hottest take of 2020, but gosh dangit, I'm a convert. That doesn't come without any qualification though. I the dove into his 2020 album Harmony (creative title, Josh), and while there are still more certified bops than drops, my feelings have drawn more complex. You see, Josh Groban suffers from "this would be pretentious as hell if you didn't have the chops to back it up" syndrome. His music (from what I have consumed) takes itself very seriously, which isn't a flaw as it stands, but I would appreciate some levity here and there. I do have beef with the song "She." First off, first line "She may be the face I can't forget." The way Groban sings "face" sounds like "fesse" which is French for buttock, and that's funny. Second, while Groban isn't a credited songwriter on this track, the lyrics fall into the camp of "intensely heterosexual." It evokes the feeling of like... of like how people get irrationally mad at vegans? Like, the presence of a vegan isn't inherently an attack on your own eating habits, but it still triggers something primal? Just by like, being there, and existing it's like, what, you think you're better than me? How dare you! I also think there's an argument to be made that Groban's early career aesthetic was appropriating twink culture. About a week into my Groban phase, the ads and suggested content picked up and I ended up watching the below clip from the Kelly Clarkson show, and I regret to inform you all that Josh Groban is not only talented, but also charming and entertaining. I know, an even hotter take of 2020.
It should be noted that Josh has yet to release his own cover of Gaudete, so all things considered, I'd give him a 9.999999995/10. 
This ship is also the hill that i will die on.
Second Editor's Note / Nathan Pacheco aside:
So after falling down Josh Groban's hole, I felt guilty for not giving Pacheco the time and attention that I gave Groban. I checked out Pacheco's discography. And y'all. Y'ALL. His top song is "The Prayer," and guess who else is on the track. David (clap) fucking (clap) Archuleta. 
David Archuleta and Nathan Pacheco, here to sing their hearts out with a shocking number of vocal riffs. Like, it doesn't rival "Lady Marmalade," but it also rivals "Lady Marmalade."
Also, while looking for photos I learned that David Archuleta is a Mormon? And then I learned that Nathan Pacheco is also a Mormon? Anyway. Gives a new vibe to this photo. 
David can join the ship.
Third Editor's Note / Mediæval Bæbes aside:
After putting so much energy into Groban and Pacheco, I decided I should probably be giving the Bæbes equal treatment. All the top songs in their discography are tracks from the Victoria OST. This is one of the problems I have with Apple Music's 'Top Songs' algorithm. It's like how the top song on Jónsi's page is that one time he was featured on the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack. Barely featured, merely a sentence in their discographistory, but because the audience for the OST dwarfs the audience for the artist as a whole, suddenly it's a 'Top Song' 
Victoria is a British historical television drama series that premiered in the United Kingdom in 2016 and in the United States on PBS in 2017. Currently on hiatus. While I appreciate the Bæbes getting the clout they deserve, they aren't given much space to shine in their feature. It is however, nice to hear them blend with other voices and instruments as opposed to the strictly acapella Gaudete.
Skipping past all the Victoria tracks, we get "The Holly & the IVY" featured on their 2003 Christmas compilation album mistletoe & wine. If you've been in a choir, you've probably sang this Christmas staple. I'm particularly partial to this cover by Ola Gjeilo CORO Vocal Artists Like their Gaudete, the the Bæbes' Holly is neat, clean, and faithful. Like the Victoria tracks, it's got some extra instruments thrown in there which really round out the sound. 10/10. After "The Holly & the IVY," their next top song is "Gaudete." As it should be. "Gaudete" by The King's Singers. Joy to the World. 24 October 2011.
The King's Singers need to update their website. Yes, I will get into their "Gaudete," but can we talk about how their group photo was updated in 2019, but the homepage text is talking about the 2011-12 concert season using the future tense?
The Singers, like the Bæbes, are a revolving door of talent, so I'm not even sure if it's appropriate to use a picture of them from 2019 when the recording I'm listening to is from 2011. Although, that's when the text of the website was last updated, so maybe it's serendipity. Still:
This recording of Gaudete is the only Gaudete that I actually knew about going in. You might be aware of this meme dub over the King's Singers cover that makes rounds on social media every year or so:
I was tempted to do a review of the cover instead, but unfortunately that would not follow the rules I have set up for myself as it is not on Apple Music. A Christmas tragedy. Anyway, the song itself is similar to the Bæbes cover. It's simple, faithful, and acapella. Being a men's ensemble, they don't suffer from the jarring bassline that plagued the Bæbes. Quite the opposite. The Singers win the award for: 
Towards the end of the piece when things really ramp up, the highest voice gets a little pitchy and it takes me out of the moment. This probably isn't a fair assessment because any falsetto performance that isn't coming from directly out of Jónsi's mouth is gonna pale in comparison.
What can I say? I like what I like.
Mini Jónsi aside:
1) If you haven't listened to Jónsi's 2020 album Shiver yet, you're missing out. 2) I have many feelings about the music video for Salt Licorice and I need someone to discuss that with. "Gaudete" The King's Singers & City of London Sinfonia Brass Quintet. Christmas with the King's Singers. 2017.
But wait! There's more! That's right, we have a second recording by the King's Singers, now featuring the City of London Sinfonia Brass Quintet.
As a piano/bassoon/recorder player triple threat, I'm normally a supporter of adding accompaniment to vocal works. On a conceptual level it should have made me like the piece more, but this recording failed on two accounts. (1) brass instruments are inferior to woodwind instruments in every way. (2) it sounds like their director was sitting in the sound booth whispering 'now sing it like you're tiny mice. itty bitty little mice looking for some Christmas cheese. you are small, you are closed, you are excited about Christmas, but above all else, you are mice.' 
"Gaudete Christus est natus" by Paul Hillier & Theater of Voices. Carols From The Old & New Worlds. October 1994.
This is the first recording with a full ensemble like my former concert choir. Bonus points for hitting that nostalgia button. Performance-wise, I don't have much to say. It's clean; it's traditional; and it's the shortest recording that I'm reviewing clocking in at one minute and twenty-seven seconds.
Arrangement-wise, they've opted for what I'll call 'Gaudete Verse Type B'. In my initial notes for this piece I wanted to drag them for changing the melody of the verses, but after listening to more recordings, the same melody crops up now and then. Not original to Paul Hillier & Theater of Voices, but different than whatever Dr. Harry Mechell chose to program for our choir. They really draw out the 'natus'. Like 'naaa-tuuuuus.' That's different, I guess. This recording is remarkable by being uniquely unremarkable. Points for that. 
"Gaudete" by Steeleye Span. The Very Best of Steeleye Span - Present - (Re-Recorded Versions). 2002.
This Gaudete made me wish that Apple Music had a block button. This Gaudete truly and unabashedly offended my sensibilities.
When I went into this project, I told myself that I wasn't going to be negative about any of these songs. I was going to comment on their unique attributes and celebrate them for what they are. I was going to be considerate to the fact that the people who made these songs are probably still alive and I don't wanna be the one to spread negativity and vitriol in the online space. That goes against my values. But this Gaudete changes all that. This Gaudete sounds like they shoved a couple guys in a recording booth and said 'so there's somebody named Colin who lives in Wisconsin and was taught very specific guidelines for Latin pronunciation. Make something they'd hate' But it's worse than that. There are points where it sounds like they're sight reading but the ink smudged over the word, so they just mumbled to get through the line and chose not to do another take. Everything about this song hurts me and I can say nothing good about it. Steeleye Span's '73 recording of the song is listed in Wikipedia as the first notable recording that likely spawned the song's modern popularity, and it's the first recording to show up when you plainly Google "Gaudete," and that is appalling. I refuse to respect it as a possibly influential work, and moving forward I refuse to recognize it as a thing that exists. Steeleye Span stans don't @ me. Also, what is this album art? 
Who is this child? Why did we leave in the grass? What is to the left of the grass? 0/10
"Gaudete" by Anúna. The Best of Anúna. 9 March 2010
Moving away from a Best of album, we have another Best of album, this time from Ireland-based choral ensemble and close friends of the Volturi, Anúna.
I see no difference.
Anúna also opts for Gaudete Verse Type B as well as a slightly different bass line. I don't have sheets in front of me, but I think there are some minor harmonic changes tossed in there, but that may be consequence of the altered bass line. This Gaudete shoots for some very low lows and some very high highs. As such: 
"Gaudete (2017 Live Version) [feat. Samuel Kreidenweis]" by Anúna & Michael McGlynn. A Christmas Selection. 2017.
That's right, another set of two. And they are still in the snow living their best Irish lives. This version, as noted in the title, features Samuel Kreidenweis a Baritone currently performing with Cantus Vocal Ensemble. Aside from benching the sopranos to make space for Kreidenweis, this Gaudete is:
"Gaudete" by Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring Christmas with the Dominican Sisters of Mary. 13 October 2017.
What, Colin? You said at the top of the post that those medieval ladies were the only women's choir. What's this then? How are we supposed to trust you anymore?
Well you know what, Apple Music keeps changing which Gaudete recordings show up in the search results and this one wasn't on there before. 
I'm glad we have another women's choir recording though, because it confirms for me that the jarring bassline of the Bæbes arrangement is a consequence of the arrangement and not the ensemble type. The Sisters bassline blends well with the other voices, save maybe one note that pops oddly.
There's something really weird going on with their sibilants though. I don't know enough about the vocal training regimen of nuns to lay the blame on the Sisters -- my knowledge comes exclusively from Sister Act (1992). All hail Whoopi -- so I'm going to say it's a recording or mastering problem. Every time they sing an 's' sound, it sticks out and does not line up properly. "Gaudete" by Erasure. Snow Globe (Deluxe Nutcracker Edition). 11 November 2013
AAAh. AAAAAHHHH. WHAAATTTT???
Okay, so this one I'm going to actually link you all. Like, it starts out and I'm like 'eew, I hate the pronunciation' but then like, BAM. Synth pop. I don't think I can come up with proper commentary. It's just quite the piece to behold. I might dock it for being a little slow? Like, I can't dance to this even though all the musical elements suggest a need for dancing. An earlier draft of this section said I had never heard of Erasure before. Late 80's English Synth Pop isn't really my scene apparently (although it is increasingly becoming so). Anyway, if you've spoken with me in the past 9 or so months, you've probably heard me start a sentence with 'so I was watching an episode of Superstore.' Well, I was watching an episode of Superstore, specifically Season 4 Episode 21 "Sandra's Fight" (original air date 16 May 2019) and a song came on that was a bop. I pulled out Shazam, and sure enough, Erasure. "Chains of Love" for anyone interested. While reading up on Erasure I found claims that singer-songwriter of the group, Andy Bell, is a gay icon, which I was later able to confirm with this photo. 
10/10.
"Gaudete (Dave Audé Extended Club Mix)" by Erasure. Gaudete. 
Oh yes, there's more. Apparently part of entering into the Gaudete game is having multiple recordings. We've seen it with the King's Singers, Anúna, now Erasure, and in a little bit, Libera.
Full disclosure, this is part of a full album of remixes, not just the above-headed Club Mix. I'm name dropping this one because it takes everything great about the original Erasure album and amplifies it. The beat is faster, the beat is stronger, the synth is eerily reminiscent of the "Safety Dance." At six minutes thirty-eight seconds, it is the longest running Gaudete, and it is the best Gaudete. This Gaudete will play at every Christmas from now until the day I die or receive a personal cease and desist from Erasure. In 2016 during the 58th Annual Grammy Awards, Dave Audé received a Grammy for his remix of "Uptown Funk". In addition, his Wikipedia article does not contain a 'Controversies' section, so for now we are free to stan. 
"Gaudete" by Tenebrae. Gaudete - Arranged By Karl Jenkins. 2004
It needs be remarked that the title of this album is Gaudete, which is the same as the title of the album of Erasure Gaudete remixes, Gaudete.
I'm afraid, reader, this is where things begin to fall apart. I was on the Wikipedia article for Gaudete doing some surface-level research when I happened upon a list of recordings. One of those recordings, reader, was the above-headed recording arranged by Karl Jenkins. Karl Jenkins aside to follow. Now, this was not a recording that had showed up when I plainly searched 'Gaudete' in Apple Music. But I wanted to hear this Karl Jenkins hot take. So I searched for the artist, found the album, and sure enough, right there, accessible through my subscription, another Gaudete. You see, reader, it was here where I learned that the search bar on Apple Music is not a comprehensive query. It gives you like, 20 results and stops. No option to see more, just stops. So from here on out, these Gaudetes are a combination of the initial search results and whatever I was able to hunt down on Apple Music as prompted by list items in various listicles across the web.
Karl Jenkins aside:
Sir Karl William Pamp Jenkins is a Welsh multi-instrumentalist and composer and he lives in my heart rent free. I was first introduced to his work when I sang his Gloria in college with a full choir and full orchestra. It was quite possibly the most emotionally affective musical experience I have ever had. That being said, I was already predisposed to experiencing high emotion as the Misa Criolla was also programmed on this concert, but If I took the time to detail my history with that monster, I would not publish this post in time. One day, I was sitting in my apartment in downtown Madison and thought 'that Gloria piece I sang last year was a certified bop. I wonder if the composer has any other bops'. And, reader, he did. 
I listened to his album Adiemus, Songs of Sanctuary for the better part of a year. It holds a place in my top five albums of all time list, and it's something everyone should listen to at one point or another.
Flashforward to like, a couple months into my listening binge, and POOF! its gone. Apple Music ripped the album from streaming. I was abandoned, distraught, and I needed my Jenkins back. Confused as to why Apple Music would remove a random Jenkins album from '95, I did a little poking around and learned that the Adiemus albums were getting new art and remastering? for Jenkin's 75th birthday. Adorable. But wait? Albums? Plural? Yes, it took having the first album ripped away from me to learn that Adiemus is not a standalone album, but instead an album series. So yeah. I had Christmas in July that day and got to experience 4 more Adiemus albums all in a row. Also, because I am apparently incapable of properly navigating any artist's discography, while looking through Karl Jenkins's Wikipedia page, I found that there's another album?????! 
Jenkins out here trying to give me a heart attack. I'm guessing it's another adaptational album (see also: Symphonic Adiemus and Adiemus Live), but dear lord these things keep popping up out of nowhere.
Long story short, I am a Jenkins stan. 
Okay, back to the Tenebrae recording. I must first ask why Karl Jenkins's name is baked into the album title. He clearly did not arrange every track of this album. Track 7 is Clapping Music by Reich completely unchanged from the original. This is a truly wild arrangement that I don't know how to handle. It follows the main beats of a Gaudete with the lyrics and form, but everything else is completely different. The percussion is punchy, the voices are bouncy, and I'm having a great time. 
"Gaudete" by Crouch End Festival Chorus. The Greatest Christmas Choral Classics. 2006.
The percussion in this one scares me. It sounds less like a Christmas celebration and more like some Medieval death chant. This is exacerbated by the vocal drones during the verses.
"Gaudete" by St. Paul's Cathedral Choir & Andrew Carwood. Carols with St. Paul's Cathedral Choir. 2015.
Another short recording clocking in at one minute forty-one seconds. The soloist is given too much freedom and sings noticeably slower during the verses than during the chorus. Wind is blowing on the microphone the whole time. During one of the choruses, they are TOO BOUNCY.
"Gaudete" by Amarcord, Wolfram Lattke, Robert Pohlers & Daniel Knauft. Weihnacht. 2019.
Okay, I promise I'm not lying to you all when I say that this Gaudete opens with fifty-two seconds of windchimes and frog sounds.
I'm not kidding. I don't understand it, it's unsettling, and this is the first track on the album. Nothing but frog sounds and windchimes and then you're smacked in the face with the singers. I don't understand it; I don't want to understand it, but it at the very least left an impression. 
"Gaudete" by Libera. Eternal: The Best of Libera. 2008.
The Libera children's choir really really wants you to know that they are children, and that those children are angels. From the album art to the post-production reverb, everything is heavenly and angelic in the worst way possible.
I'm not gonna rag on the children, just the adult human beings marketing them. Arrangement wise, omigod is that a midi bassoon? At like the two-minute mark we get a synth flute and synth bassoon that sound eerily like the soundtrack to a Zelda game. The album this Gaudete is on features a cover or "Orinoco Flow," which is sacred musical literature that should not be covered. I'm taking away points. 
"Gaudete" by Libera & Robert Prizeman. Angels Sing - Christmas in Ireland. 2013.
Basically the same, but THEY ACTUALLY GOT SOMEONE IN TO PLAY THE REAL BASSOON! (that or they invested in some pretty convincing VST).
"I. Rejoice, Rejoice: Gaudete, gaudete" by Joel Cohen & Boston Camerata. A Renaissance Christmas. 2005.
Remember before when I said that Gaudete is a staple in Christian, Classical, and Medieval discography? Well here we have a Renaissance Christmas. Two for the price of one.
This recording is dull and uninspired. I appreciate the accompaniment, but that's it. 
"Salvation is Created" by Soli Deo Gloria Cantorum, Almeda Berkey, Director. Gaudete. 1991.
'But Colin! That's not an actual Gaudete!'
That's right, reader, but the album is titled Gaudete, and I wanted to include the cover art, because it's a big mood. Specifically my big mood after listening to nothing but Gaudete for several days straight. "Gaudete" by David Arkenstone & Charlee Brooks. Winter Fantasy. 2016.
Ethereal. Magical. Mystical. A soundscape. Ruined at one minute twenty-one seconds.
"Gaudete" by Barry and Beth Hall. A Feast of Songs: Holiday Music from the Middle Ages. 2003.
I don't know who these two are, but I genuinely hope they're having a great day. They look like two happy people making music in the woods and having a good time.
But it should have stayed in the woods and not been recorded and put into my ears. Barry sings multiple parts, and the multi-track recording doesn't work. It feels robotic and stunted. The reverb feels cold and hollow. 
"Gaudete" by Glin Amar. Folks for Christmas. 2020.
Wow! A 2020 Gaudete!
I like the instrumentation in this one. Very folksy, very different from the rest. The vocal performances aren't anything spectacular, and this is the first time I've heard 'virginae' pronounced with a hard g. 
"Gaudete" by The Singers - Minnesota Choral Artists & Matthew Culloton. Dulci Jubilo: Christmas with the Singers. 2012.
OH MY GOD THEY ACTUALLY SAY GAU DEH TEH
"Gaudete!" by Kim Robertson. the spiral gate. 1999.
This Gaudete slaps. It has the chillest and smoothest vibes of all the Gaudetes. It is unique, it is different, and it has harp. It's mumblecore but made Celtic. I will be listening to the rest of this album. 10/10.
Also, it's our only Gaudete with a terminal exclamation point! "Gaudete!" by Kim Robertson joins the league of other hits like Mamma Mia!, Moulin Rouge!, and basically every Dr. Seuss book. 
"Gaudete" by Chris Squire. Chris Squire's Swiss Choir. 2007.
This one just makes me uncomfortable somehow?
"Gaudete" by Cauda Pavonis. Saturnalia - EP. 2013.
This one also makes me uncomfortable! Stop it!
"Gaudete (Arr. S. Vango)" by Papagena. The Darkest Midnight. 2018.
So this one is described on the Gaudete Wikipedia page the following way:
"All-female acapella group Papagena sang a 'funky upbeat' version of Gaudete on The Darkest Midnight tour in December 2017, and released it on the eponymous album in early 2018." And funky is CORRECT. They go fast, then they go slow. They go completely original, and then they're back to the traditional. They are in so many directions and I love it. 
"Crudites" by Blanche Rowens & Mike Gulston. The Dance Goes On. 2013.
This is a parody Gaudete where they just took the lyrics and changed them into different foods??? Very "We're In A Salad" vibes.
Conclusion.
So what did I learn from this experience?
Now go forth and share this with five musician friends. I want to get in a fight with somebody about my 100% correct and objective opinions. Happy Holidays!
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