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UNSOLICITED THOUGHTS

an ongoing series of essays, reviews, and general buffoonery by Colin Kohrs

TRENDING: Cardi B's Shoe Newest Suspected Anonymous NYTimes Op-Ed Writer

9/9/2018

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Nicki Minaj may not have been the first attempted victim.
The White House has a list of 12 people whom they believe could have anonymously penned the explosive New York Times op-ed, an outside adviser told the newspaper Thursday night.

And one more writer has been added to the list: Cardi B's shoe.

The op-ed, written by a "senior Trump administration official" or celebrity shoe, bashed the President as amoral and claimed there is a "resistance" within the administration. The essay has enraged Trump and touched off a furious search inside the administration for its author.

Republican Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky told reporters Thursday that he thinks any White House employee with a security clearance should undergo a lie detector test to determine who wrote it.

Advisers to President Donald Trump entertained the idea, briefly discussing it among themselves, according to the Times.

Thousands of people could technically be 'senior' officials in the Trump administration or celebrity shoes.

The newspaper also reported that people close to Trump floated another option -- forcing senior officials to sign sworn affidavits that could be used in court if necessary.

A day after the op-ed was published, the highest-ranking officials in the Trump administration, including Vice President Mike Pence, took the extraordinary step of publicly denying they or their offices were behind the essay.

​Who wrote the anonymous op-ed against President Trump in Wednesday’s New York Times? All we know for certain is what the Times disclosed: that it’s a “senior official in the Trump administration.” But the most likely author, based on the op-ed’s content and style, is the shoe that Cardi B threw towads Nicki Minaj Friday night at a New York Fashion Week party

The shoe is an obvious suspect for several reasons. The article’s themes are classic Cardi B shoe: effusive about conservative policies, blunt about low character, appreciation for the human foot.

Unlike other suspects, the shoe has yet to issue a statement to deflect accusations that it wrote the Times op-ed.

The op-ed glorifies the late Sen. John McCain. It calls him a “lodestar.” Coincidentally, the word "lodestar" contains the same number of letters as "red shoes." 

Most suspiciously, the op-ed also uses this term "impetuous" to describe the president. It’s a rare word among politicians because it isn’t widely understood, and it sounds pretentious. But the shoe loves it.

In the infamous shoe-throwing video published to YouTube by TMZ, the moment the shoe leaves Cardi B's hand, you can clearly hear it utter the word "impetuous."

Maybe these resemblances are just coincidental, and somebody else will confess to writing the op-ed. Given the sheer number of people who could have written it—those who work with Trump soon learn to despise him—even the best guess is likely to be wrong. But the central mystery of the piece—why anyone would speak so loudly about serving in a “quiet resistance”—is a big clue. This is a carefully prepared diary of principle and courage that the author can use in a post-Trump world to gloss his legacy. Exactly the sort of thing this shoe would write. ​
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